Not looking forward

I’m really not looking forward to my birthday this year…. it’s In like 2 days, and I have to work. Been working the midnight to 8 am shift. It’s a 9 day stretch and I’m about half way through but honestly right now I have no clue on what day # it’s is or even what day…

So no festivities,  dinner, drinking nothing for my birthday and for some reason the 23 is depressing,  it only goes down hil from here. I just wish I could have had off and been able to do what I wanted.  I feel the fact that I had this stuff planned THEN realized I worked a bond (no clue what I ment here) had to shoot those plans down really took the wind out of my sails. Prob just going to treat it like any other day.

(Also a draft I found. Before the first week of Feb when I wrote it. And yes my birthday did suck)


Rain rain go away!

As I sit here at work, bored now,  finally thought to update. Works been okay. Up untill a day or 2 ago when I found out the didn’t put in my time off for my upcoming ww2 reenactment. It’s ago fairly large one and costed me $60 for registration and I’m only going to be able to go down for ago day and to add insult to injury I start a 9 day stretch of our midnight to 8 am shift. 9 days, no overtime. Due to the setup of our pay/ work week. It’s a rotating schedule where all of us work a 9 day rotation so maybe every 2 or 3 months we’lll have to work this st reach and I am NOT looking forward to it.

Being winter work has slowed down a lot and I work on a commission based pay so the last like 3 or 4 checks have sucked. Also I got health insurance.  Forced to get I should say. (Thanks obama) so that cut even deeper into my already small checks. Really been thinking hard of other ways to make money.  Ebay is so hit and miss and the room it takes me to effectively organize the stuff I’m selling takes up too much room. But most hobs aren’t a work whenever you want because the fabulous company I work for is a 24/7 operation and my work times are always rotating. is 4 to midnight for me bit I’ve been 10 to 6 pm noon to 8pm 2 to 10 pm had a few 8am to 4pm shifts and my days off are random. Sometimes they’re consecutive or broke up. I toyed with the idea of Uber but I don’t have the “correct” vehicle for them. Almost wish I could buy an old cop car. (No worry of messes etc)  but other than that no clue what I could do to supplement our income without killing myself (again) cause I can only work 55 plus hrs a week so long before I burn out.  I’ve done it at least 2 seperate times.

I’m having a love/ hate relationship with these shifts I’m working. I like the 4 to mid shifts because I can get stuff done during the day and what not but I also like the noon to 8pm shifts because then I get home and get to spend a few hrs with sierra.  But then I can easily work on stuff around the house. I’m about halfway done installing carpet in my gun room but slightly upset the installation is going the way it’s going. Probably going to have waves in the carpet even though I bought a carpet kicker which is what professionals use. It’s frustrating but I’m just going to get over it so we can get it down and get my stuff moved and organized in my gun room and out of Sierra’s way. I have more to post but I don’t want to use and nymph of my data right now.

why is it so difficult…..

Why does it have to be so difficult for humans to self motivate. College has made me so out of shape. Its so hard to motivate myself and to find time and energy to exercise. ITs very frustrating. Sierra offers to run with me because I also know she wants to exercise some too, but she’s always sick, or something is hurt. She fell the other week and hurt her ankle, god knows how long before she can run without hurting it. I don’t really have any friends in college. Just one, he’s in ROTC, he already went to basic training. He does offer to have me PT with him but that’s at 6:30 in the morning…… I work till midnight plus. Ill admit I have a very low self esteem, I try to improve it or my attitude. But my self image is just a vicious circle, I try to eat healthy, WAYYY too expensive (Of course I may be able to afford it now), and its so hard. Barely any flavors and I’m almost always hungry. Then I fall back out of it. I admit, I love my carby foods, burgers, bread, junk. the usual. But I feel horrible about eating. just one step at a time…. 99% mental and 1% physical.

what is this spring break you speak of? Cool story….

I never did get around to writing more about the day I had that one time. but I guess I just spared you guys. So what is it with people?!?! “oh I don’t have any money” But yet they go on spring break, or buy stupid shit. Just being that hypocritical bugs me. A girl I know, who well call “Gabby” she has basically no money, no job, she worked for papa johns pizza for maybe a week or two and quit, because it “was causing her to oversleep and miss class” even though she hasn’t really gone to class for about a month plus. I stopped talking to her because she started getting into drugs and just making idiotic life choices. The last time I talked to her over a month and a half ago, I asked her to see if she wanted to hang out, (Text) she claimed she was “too high to do anything/ move.” yet she stated she was “playing” pool with some random guy (I don’t know him but he was like a drug buddy or something) That just put the nail in the coffin for me so I just said the hell with her, ill stop talking to her. which I have. Also her and her boy thing broke up because she found out he cheated on her around the first month or two after they started dating, and he just fessed up to it around 2 months ago now. Another reason she’s a belligerent hypocrite, I will admit, I cheated on Sierra once….. horrible mistake and it was no where near worth it. It was in extenuating circumstances and laps of judgment with unspoken peer pressure. BUT I told Sierra  THE SECOND I CAME HOME, yes it was a rough spot but she was also unfaithful to me during our first 3 months of our relationship but after I confronted her we worked it out. (she didn’t have sex with the kid (well not when we were dating….that I know of……just texting and inappropriate conversations and picture) but after I told her what I did, and she verbally ripped me a new one (which I deserved) she asked “gabby” what she thinks she should do. “gabby” said if she was sierra she would dump me ASAP. well fast foreword 3 or 4 months when “gabby” found out here boy friend cheated on her with the girl across the hall in his dorm, she didn’t take her advice. HYPOCRITE! I almost find it funny. Yes I know airing some of my dirty laundry and Sierra’s may be …..ehhhh….. but I air what I think is enough to get a good understanding, Sierra on the other hand airs a lot more… I disagree with the amount but I wont tell her she cant. There’s a little back story, so fast forward a little, “gabby” and her boy thing are broken up but they live together, she moved back into her old apartment but her sister moved out. The apartment is 800 bucks a month! and she has no job, but yet “gabby” can go on spring break to the beach? yea ok. That’s just belligerently stupid. I’m working all spring break along with Sierra, like the adults we are. =) but I am enrolled for Tactical Response’s “fighting pistol” course that i’m going to take in April. Today and yesterday are my 2 days off. after im done with this im going to clean up around the apartment. I have a bunch of random shit around the living room…. =/ I feel really bad and im glad sierra puts up with it. But as she says, I put up with a lot of her stuff too.     


Moral of the story, SPEND WHAT YOU HAVE not what you want *cough cough….. US govt…… cough cough*

and also DO NOT cheat! its not worth it but if god forbid it happens; be understanding, read the circumstances, and calm down to think logically and avoid irrational actions, and most importantly, TELL YOUR PARTNER AS SOON AS YOU CAN. and make sure its Face to Face! 

That’s what I have for today.

White trash in their native habitat……. Cars suck

So why is it that white trash have a thing for taking shopping carts from the store, walking them to their caves and leave them outside? There’s a really trashy apartment building 2 blocks down the road from my apartment and there’s always at least one cart out front on the sidewalk. At one point, I drove by and saw FOUR SHOPPING CARTS on the sidewalk just chilling in random spots. Like your that freaking lazy you cant carry your groceries or even take the cart back when you’re done. Not like they have a job anyway, waking up at the crack of noon is prob really tiring…… trashy bastards. 

Sierras van is really hitting the dirt. We got a new battery for it, thinking that would fix it….. nope, actually got worse. Now the damn thing wont start at all……….. I can barely get under the van to start, to I can get it up on ramps or jack it up to put it on jack stands. We don’t have a jack to do so. We think its the starter, sierra bought one, but changing them is another thing… usually a 3 plus hour job, daylight savings or what ever really screwed us over on that. Especially since today is my only day off.  Did I mention I hate working on cars? they piss me off so much because its always much more difficult than it should be.


random side note, my “friend” “tyler” got another job after the office job, he was working at a janitorial company, he worked there ONE DAY before he got fire! LOL he didn’t get a break that day so he got into a fight with the manager and got fired. so funny. but of course he was trying to get unemployment again or some shit.