Day 3 of my night shift. Lots of ups and downs in my emotions. But doing okay today.
I’ve been looking at this page multiple times over the last 2 or 3 weeks. Been meaning to post but not sure on what. Some days I wish I could use this as a more personal outlet, almost as a “diary” to express and talk about some very personal issues and thoughts but also not the proper place to do so even if it’s quite anonymous and prob like 3 people read these. So i could write about my deeper inner thought but personally still feel vulnerable. The main thing I’d want to express about is my relationship and my struggles with improving it, myself, and trust. All very difficult at this time between being summertime so I’m extremely busy but making extra $ and her (my fiance) starting her new career are making it difficult. Different schedules.
Once again I am working the midnight to 8 am shift but luckily it’s only for 7 days this time so that is once again going to put a strain on me and inturn our relationship. Let me say a side note how the weather right now is frustrating as hell! Yesterday it was hot and sunny and clear. Worked around the house and got most of the yard mowed and trimmed. The second I thought about taking my boat out on the water, dark clouds move in and tease for a while. Almost finish the yard work and it starts raining…….
Now today, have all daytime to take the boat out. Second I get out of bed. Gets overcast! The whole sky is covered with no end in sight amd even a few darks spots here and there. Arg. Why can’t the here hinges go my way for more than a hot minute. (In different ways and aspects of my life. Relationship, financial, general luck…)
I wish therapy was free… only time I did any counseling was family counseling when I was 13 ish and in college, both free to me but also in a way my college counseling helped a lot but at the same time it seemed that issues i struggled with or things I dwelled on they just played them down or tried to tell me ” that’s not that bad. It’s not that big of a deal” which helped a little but times I’ll still dwell on it. But I’m cautious of new therapy folk and obviously paying for it is somewhat strange to me in a way.