Alone time In my mind…

As an adult I pretty much dislike being alone with my thoughts. Especially at night. When I was little, and even just younger I would think of all kinds of scenarios and such usally involve a girl I liked or thought was cute or just stuff that made me feel good, like saving class mates, building stuff or being a bad ass,  etc. You know, all the normal stuff shy sometime self hating people do. Being the center of attention or being a big deal. Ah yes. Well its what I use to think of when I would go to sometimes elf keep.  Usally 30 to 45 mins to fall asleep,  then obviously as I got older, probably starting in high school I could not as much. Then in college it was… hmm so long as go it feels, just thinking about my future I guess, living the college dream. Prayed a lot at one point which is very uncommon.  I was never very religious but my parents went about it in a good way I believe.  Christian preschool,  vacation bible school and a few years at Christian summer camp. And was left to decide for myself.  Any who,  It started when we lived in our apartment,  mainly just paranoid of people breaking in but now with the house I usally think of all the projects that need done or at least need completed or someone breaking in etc. Pretty much one of my biggest fears even though it’s a great neighborhood and I’m well if not highly trained in firearm usage. But it’s just my domain. My house, my property.  Legitimatly mine.

Also got a little side tracked,  the main point of this post is to talk bout now sometimes when I’m alone driving or at work changing oil in a tractor trailer (takes an hour and a half to 2 hrs) I’ll get lost in thought and my mind being a bastard and human I’ll think of upsetting things and that’s all I’ll think about, then sometimes I’ll think of details,  very vivid details of stuff I don’t want to know or think about but my mind does it and it’s frustrating obviously but also at times difficult to block out and can take up to 5 mins to get my mind elsewhere.

Darn auto correct has been a pain for me with this post.


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