I dont know. The winds of shit

*this was found in my draft folder again. Lol. This was around early summer i think. *

Finished rewatching house of cards prob about a month ago if not longer. time is flying by. its terrible. I think its from being broke all the time and living pay check to pay check. wish the next 2 weeks go by so I get paid again. just typing this before I change for work…
Work… I’m getting tired of it and the customers and people and pay. now they’re talking about rehiring one of my old coworkers. he was the one who “Trained” me and heavy on the “” because he sucked at it and is an asshole. A LOT of people hate him, and are looking at getting a different job as am I really starting to consider it. So a few months back things were going bad Sierra and I between our stress, lack of money I can honestly say I think I fell of the wagon a little. I was drinking a lot. I mean a lot. and stopped giving any f**ks. drinking during the day. before work. right after work. had some liquor stowed away in my truck. Drove buzzed a few times….. (don’t want to admit it but) had a bet of self destruction going on and sierra and I were fighting a lot or Id get pissed at her for small shit. vise versa. I think is came to ahead when she loaned her former lover $100 when we were hurting more than normal for $. And that pissed me off and pushed me over. I got retarded wasted that night. Threw up from dinking. 3 time total but the first 2 times we figured up Gatorade and alcohol in my stomach do NOT mix.
Then at one point I felt so distanced from sierra I started getting scared thinking we were going to break up. It felt like I didn’t know her and I didn’t know myself. didn’t touch alcohol for around a week then it has just been here and there any more which is good. but we also cant afford to buy it.
My damn credit card are wearing on me. they’re both basically maxed out and last month I somehow spend around $500…
Now I really need to go to work. cant change and be on time so ill prob go to the bathroom and drive to work and change there. more tonight hopefully.


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