Life slipping away, Not blogging enough, A rough time

I feel time slipping away. I keep meaning to update this page, but I always forget, run out of time, etc. the hard part is that I don’t really use my laptop very much. I know there like no one who probably read this. but every day is a wait till the next day for more time, etc etc etc. every week is a waiting time till the next week. every pay check, wait for the next paycheck. I get paid, poof, gone, then its a fight/ wait until the next check. need money for this, need money for that, want money for this and want money for that. and next thing I know its December, boom, now its January. and im broke again. overdrew my account….. first time in a while though.

I gained another 10 pounds…… just within the last month or so. I can only blame it on myself, the drinking mainly. I don’t remember how much I weighted when I turned 21 but even when I was a freshman/ sophomore I looked into going to the army at the time (ROTC) and I was around 260/ 263 the recruiter said I needed to lose about 20 lbs to meet the requirements. I tried eating healthy for a while. maybe lost 3 or 4 lbs. after weeks and weeks of completely changing my diet and being basically bankrupt I caved. like always, all this hard work, not eating usual food, etc for no loss. I could eat healthy for 2 weeks, not loss any weight, then I could eat “normal” and not gain weight. I know I need to exercise as well to really change but its half the battle,…. well not me but other people…… I haven’t eaten mcdonalds since February and I STILL get cravings for burgers fries etc. I turned 21 and started drinking. it was okay and average. during the summer we would go visit sierra’s aunt and uncles every Sunday and I would get really fucked up. it was okay and fun. but I now almost HAVE to drink to get to sleep. if I’m not buzzed I cant fall asleep. ill tos and turn for 3 hrs, unless I’m dead tired. so I’m concerned about that, but also sometimes when I’m drunk I get really really hungry. Kinda light munchies. which is why I’ve gained weight, as well as the beer/ liquor didn’t help any.

I’ve got blue balls like a mother fucker….. my sex life is currently….. eh. I’m tired of “taking care of” myself. I’m tired of it…. but sierra and I are both too lazy to take care of each other. we both want the other to take charge and get the job done. I think I’m on day 7….  the big thing is that there is also I don’t like having to tell/ say “hey I want you to do …. or do …this… like ….that….” or touch here/ there. The big thing is, it doesn’t turn me on when I have to tell her what I want. kinda dumb I know but idk how to fix that…

 

Advertisements