why is it so difficult…..

Why does it have to be so difficult for humans to self motivate. College has made me so out of shape. Its so hard to motivate myself and to find time and energy to exercise. ITs very frustrating. Sierra offers to run with me because I also know she wants to exercise some too, but she’s always sick, or something is hurt. She fell the other week and hurt her ankle, god knows how long before she can run without hurting it. I don’t really have any friends in college. Just one, he’s in ROTC, he already went to basic training. He does offer to have me PT with him but that’s at 6:30 in the morning…… I work till midnight plus. Ill admit I have a very low self esteem, I try to improve it or my attitude. But my self image is just a vicious circle, I try to eat healthy, WAYYY too expensive (Of course I may be able to afford it now), and its so hard. Barely any flavors and I’m almost always hungry. Then I fall back out of it. I admit, I love my carby foods, burgers, bread, junk. the usual. But I feel horrible about eating. just one step at a time…. 99% mental and 1% physical.


what is this spring break you speak of? Cool story….

I never did get around to writing more about the day I had that one time. but I guess I just spared you guys. So what is it with people?!?! “oh I don’t have any money” But yet they go on spring break, or buy stupid shit. Just being that hypocritical bugs me. A girl I know, who well call “Gabby” she has basically no money, no job, she worked for papa johns pizza for maybe a week or two and quit, because it “was causing her to oversleep and miss class” even though she hasn’t really gone to class for about a month plus. I stopped talking to her because she started getting into drugs and just making idiotic life choices. The last time I talked to her over a month and a half ago, I asked her to see if she wanted to hang out, (Text) she claimed she was “too high to do anything/ move.” yet she stated she was “playing” pool with some random guy (I don’t know him but he was like a drug buddy or something) That just put the nail in the coffin for me so I just said the hell with her, ill stop talking to her. which I have. Also her and her boy thing broke up because she found out he cheated on her around the first month or two after they started dating, and he just fessed up to it around 2 months ago now. Another reason she’s a belligerent hypocrite, I will admit, I cheated on Sierra once….. horrible mistake and it was no where near worth it. It was in extenuating circumstances and laps of judgment with unspoken peer pressure. BUT I told Sierra  THE SECOND I CAME HOME, yes it was a rough spot but she was also unfaithful to me during our first 3 months of our relationship but after I confronted her we worked it out. (she didn’t have sex with the kid (well not when we were dating….that I know of……just texting and inappropriate conversations and picture) but after I told her what I did, and she verbally ripped me a new one (which I deserved) she asked “gabby” what she thinks she should do. “gabby” said if she was sierra she would dump me ASAP. well fast foreword 3 or 4 months when “gabby” found out here boy friend cheated on her with the girl across the hall in his dorm, she didn’t take her advice. HYPOCRITE! I almost find it funny. Yes I know airing some of my dirty laundry and Sierra’s may be …..ehhhh….. but I air what I think is enough to get a good understanding, Sierra on the other hand airs a lot more… I disagree with the amount but I wont tell her she cant. There’s a little back story, so fast forward a little, “gabby” and her boy thing are broken up but they live together, she moved back into her old apartment but her sister moved out. The apartment is 800 bucks a month! and she has no job, but yet “gabby” can go on spring break to the beach? yea ok. That’s just belligerently stupid. I’m working all spring break along with Sierra, like the adults we are. =) but I am enrolled for Tactical Response’s “fighting pistol” course that i’m going to take in April. Today and yesterday are my 2 days off. after im done with this im going to clean up around the apartment. I have a bunch of random shit around the living room…. =/ I feel really bad and im glad sierra puts up with it. But as she says, I put up with a lot of her stuff too.     


Moral of the story, SPEND WHAT YOU HAVE not what you want *cough cough….. US govt…… cough cough*

and also DO NOT cheat! its not worth it but if god forbid it happens; be understanding, read the circumstances, and calm down to think logically and avoid irrational actions, and most importantly, TELL YOUR PARTNER AS SOON AS YOU CAN. and make sure its Face to Face! 

That’s what I have for today.

White trash in their native habitat……. Cars suck

So why is it that white trash have a thing for taking shopping carts from the store, walking them to their caves and leave them outside? There’s a really trashy apartment building 2 blocks down the road from my apartment and there’s always at least one cart out front on the sidewalk. At one point, I drove by and saw FOUR SHOPPING CARTS on the sidewalk just chilling in random spots. Like your that freaking lazy you cant carry your groceries or even take the cart back when you’re done. Not like they have a job anyway, waking up at the crack of noon is prob really tiring…… trashy bastards. 

Sierras van is really hitting the dirt. We got a new battery for it, thinking that would fix it….. nope, actually got worse. Now the damn thing wont start at all……….. I can barely get under the van to start, to I can get it up on ramps or jack it up to put it on jack stands. We don’t have a jack to do so. We think its the starter, sierra bought one, but changing them is another thing… usually a 3 plus hour job, daylight savings or what ever really screwed us over on that. Especially since today is my only day off.  Did I mention I hate working on cars? they piss me off so much because its always much more difficult than it should be.


random side note, my “friend” “tyler” got another job after the office job, he was working at a janitorial company, he worked there ONE DAY before he got fire! LOL he didn’t get a break that day so he got into a fight with the manager and got fired. so funny. but of course he was trying to get unemployment again or some shit.